I feel like Pilate right now.
The kids are misbehaving and I know a big part is my fault. I am guilty of neglect and laziness. The kids can feel my lack of energy everyday and they respond by being overly active. They have been hurting each other in a helpless plea for my attention. I try to convince myself that I did my best in the classroom. That I tried different techniques - but I am not so sure about that.
Now, during the PTC, I tell parents about their kid's behavior. I tell them what I did to meet their needs. I was honest but I didn't feel that what I did was enough for what the kids need. It was as if I was washing my hands of the guilt. That I was denying my part in the misbehavior. I blamed it on the fact that they have been together for three years. I blamed it on the class size, the kids' ages. I forgot to blame me.
But at least it's not too late. I still have two quarters to make up for my shortcomings. I pray that God will grant me the passion that I need to deal with my kids.
