I have been busy organizing our 15th year reunion and I am getting tired.
Getting tired of calling meetings in which nobody attends. Then I'll hear comments like they did not enjoy it and we are disorganized. dang!
Do they know how it's like to give some of your time and yet nobody appreciates even the effort?
Do they know how it's like to worry if you are doing the right thing or not?
I am not doing this for myself! I am doing this for all of us and still, they say nasty comments yet do not have enough guts to come up to me and tell me that I am doing a stupid job! I am giving them the power to decide. I am giving them the freedom to express their ideas. What is wrong with them?!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
PMS
Lately, I've been so busy.
Busy with my job, busy with taking care of my family, busy organizing a reunion.
Lately, I have realized, that I have not taken time to get in touch with myself again.
The familiar feeling of not knowing what to do with my life is back. I have lost my goals, I have stopped dreaming. In the past, I can easily bounce back from this. two days is long enough but now, it's been going on for a few days now. I am sad.
I miss going out. I miss my friends. I miss Ted.
I miss my old self.
Why do I always feel this way when I have my period?
Busy with my job, busy with taking care of my family, busy organizing a reunion.
Lately, I have realized, that I have not taken time to get in touch with myself again.
The familiar feeling of not knowing what to do with my life is back. I have lost my goals, I have stopped dreaming. In the past, I can easily bounce back from this. two days is long enough but now, it's been going on for a few days now. I am sad.
I miss going out. I miss my friends. I miss Ted.
I miss my old self.
Why do I always feel this way when I have my period?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Infidelity and Regret
what I don't understand about married men is why they can't seem to be satisfied with their wives after they get married. why didn't they see that "something" missing while they were still in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage?
Then after they get caught, they will feel so sorry and beg their wives to take them back?!
See, they hurt, not only their wives, but their mistresses as well. Do they know how it feels like to be kept hanging and hoping that one day you'll be together? No! All they know is that they are having fun while their wives are faithfully waiting on them. They know that if they get caught or the other woman comes to her senses and leaves them - their wives would take them back.
I think, that if you decide to be unfaithful to your partner, you should own up to it.
don't look like a lost puppy when everyone leaves you. You have to be prepared to face the consequences and don't ever regret the choices you made!
or better yet. do not be unfaithful at all!
Then after they get caught, they will feel so sorry and beg their wives to take them back?!
See, they hurt, not only their wives, but their mistresses as well. Do they know how it feels like to be kept hanging and hoping that one day you'll be together? No! All they know is that they are having fun while their wives are faithfully waiting on them. They know that if they get caught or the other woman comes to her senses and leaves them - their wives would take them back.
I think, that if you decide to be unfaithful to your partner, you should own up to it.
don't look like a lost puppy when everyone leaves you. You have to be prepared to face the consequences and don't ever regret the choices you made!
or better yet. do not be unfaithful at all!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Corny, Boring, Plain Alive
From Monday to Friday, I wake up at around 6 a.m. and try to listen to the morning rush. Chico and Delamar are so funny, unfortunately, i have no radio on my cellphone so I can't listen to them everyday. Instead of bearing with the radio jocks of the stations most jeepneys listen to, I sleep. Everyday, I am late but I never forget to eat rice for breakfast. I start my class at 8 a.m.
At 11:30 a.m. I dismiss my class and turn on the radio to listen to the RORO show. I like Rico Robles' voice and Jude Rocha reminds me of someone. I have no interest in basketball except when I bet in the "ending." I react through twitter to their topics while I play Plants vs. Zombies. Then I'll check Farmville, Cafe World, and Pet Society in Facebook as I check newsletters and journals on the side. I'm not a multi-tasking queen but I can try if I really want to.
By 3:30, I make sure that I have worksheets for my tutees. I brush my teeth and prepare to leave by 4 and from 5 to 8 I tutor kids. I get home at around 9 p.m. so that I could sit in front of the TV and watch PBB. Oh! I forgot to mention that I am a Melason fan and sometimes I fight anonymous people in the net to defend Melai while I do the rest of the Facebook apps.
Everyday, this is my routine. I don't do anything new. I don't believe my friends even remember me. Before I sleep, I stay awake, thinking how corny and boring my existence is. I am not living. I am just plain alive.
Saturdays and Sundays are a bore as well.
At 11:30 a.m. I dismiss my class and turn on the radio to listen to the RORO show. I like Rico Robles' voice and Jude Rocha reminds me of someone. I have no interest in basketball except when I bet in the "ending." I react through twitter to their topics while I play Plants vs. Zombies. Then I'll check Farmville, Cafe World, and Pet Society in Facebook as I check newsletters and journals on the side. I'm not a multi-tasking queen but I can try if I really want to.
By 3:30, I make sure that I have worksheets for my tutees. I brush my teeth and prepare to leave by 4 and from 5 to 8 I tutor kids. I get home at around 9 p.m. so that I could sit in front of the TV and watch PBB. Oh! I forgot to mention that I am a Melason fan and sometimes I fight anonymous people in the net to defend Melai while I do the rest of the Facebook apps.
Everyday, this is my routine. I don't do anything new. I don't believe my friends even remember me. Before I sleep, I stay awake, thinking how corny and boring my existence is. I am not living. I am just plain alive.
Saturdays and Sundays are a bore as well.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Nostalgia - Love Lost
It is still my birthday and inspite of my emo emo blog last night, I feel fine now. I have received a lot of greetings and my friends did not forget after all.
I was walking down Riverbanks Mall when I caught a glimpse of a familiar pucca shell necklace. I had to sigh and smile to myself, I received one on my twenty-second birthday, almost nine years ago from a guy who drove me crazy at that time and whom I thought was the greatest love of my life.
I have never denied my almost obsession with RV De Veyra. Looking back, I feel ashamed of all the stupid things I did. I stalked him using my cellphone and even through the internet. I shouted to the cyberworld how much I love him and want him to be mine. Eeewwwww!!!!!
My craziness eventually stopped when I realized, I never really loved him. I made myself believe that I am in love with him because I am in love with the idea of love. I am in love with the guy I want him to be. He is very ideal. A licensed PT, a musician, he came from a good family - the man of my dreams. I failed to see that I do not know much about him. What makes him laugh, what sets him off, etc.
I fell in love for real a few times after the RV experience and I learned a lot about certain types of men. Now, I am single again. And I can't will myself to find another man in my life just because of what some men taught me about their kind.
This is why I feel a bit nostalgic.
I wish I can fall in love with love again. How I long for those times that I could smile just at the thought of somebody loving me. I desire those moments when I simply believed.
Don't get me wrong. I have not turned to a skeptic. My heart is still beating in its right place. It's just that, it takes more time for me to trust someone and a lot of effort to prove that their love for me is real. I am not getting any younger. My biological clock is ticking. If I continue this distrust, I might end up a spinster.
But honestly right now, I am not bothered by the thought of spending my life alone. I am more bothered of not being able to feel the old "kilig" and the old longing for that someone.
I was walking down Riverbanks Mall when I caught a glimpse of a familiar pucca shell necklace. I had to sigh and smile to myself, I received one on my twenty-second birthday, almost nine years ago from a guy who drove me crazy at that time and whom I thought was the greatest love of my life.
I have never denied my almost obsession with RV De Veyra. Looking back, I feel ashamed of all the stupid things I did. I stalked him using my cellphone and even through the internet. I shouted to the cyberworld how much I love him and want him to be mine. Eeewwwww!!!!!
My craziness eventually stopped when I realized, I never really loved him. I made myself believe that I am in love with him because I am in love with the idea of love. I am in love with the guy I want him to be. He is very ideal. A licensed PT, a musician, he came from a good family - the man of my dreams. I failed to see that I do not know much about him. What makes him laugh, what sets him off, etc.
I fell in love for real a few times after the RV experience and I learned a lot about certain types of men. Now, I am single again. And I can't will myself to find another man in my life just because of what some men taught me about their kind.
This is why I feel a bit nostalgic.
I wish I can fall in love with love again. How I long for those times that I could smile just at the thought of somebody loving me. I desire those moments when I simply believed.
Don't get me wrong. I have not turned to a skeptic. My heart is still beating in its right place. It's just that, it takes more time for me to trust someone and a lot of effort to prove that their love for me is real. I am not getting any younger. My biological clock is ticking. If I continue this distrust, I might end up a spinster.
But honestly right now, I am not bothered by the thought of spending my life alone. I am more bothered of not being able to feel the old "kilig" and the old longing for that someone.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Thirty One
On this day, I am an official thirty-something.
I am still staring at my unbeeping phone. A year ago, I have received greets even a week before this special day, but now, only Pong, Ana, Iska, Jingle, and Mau remembered. It is sad and I feel like a loser but I can't really hate my friends even if I want to. They have their own lives and what is September 13 to them anyway.
What happened in the past year? I lost my bestfriend and discovered I have lots of other friends who love me. Ted left me with a number of people I really treasure. Sadly, not one of them remembered this day.
Anyway, even if it is sad, I am still thankful. The past year has been a fruitful one for me.
I thank God for all the blessings. I went to Bohol and to Dipolog. I also spent s few days in Baguio. We have moved to a decent place. I have a nephew coming soon. I still have my jobs. I have opened my savings account. My family is in good health.
God is really good.
I have a lot more to wish for but I am already thankful for these. If I don't get my wishes, I will still find more reasons to smile.
I am still staring at my unbeeping phone. A year ago, I have received greets even a week before this special day, but now, only Pong, Ana, Iska, Jingle, and Mau remembered. It is sad and I feel like a loser but I can't really hate my friends even if I want to. They have their own lives and what is September 13 to them anyway.
What happened in the past year? I lost my bestfriend and discovered I have lots of other friends who love me. Ted left me with a number of people I really treasure. Sadly, not one of them remembered this day.
Anyway, even if it is sad, I am still thankful. The past year has been a fruitful one for me.
I thank God for all the blessings. I went to Bohol and to Dipolog. I also spent s few days in Baguio. We have moved to a decent place. I have a nephew coming soon. I still have my jobs. I have opened my savings account. My family is in good health.
God is really good.
I have a lot more to wish for but I am already thankful for these. If I don't get my wishes, I will still find more reasons to smile.
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Past Year
It has been a year since Ted went away. A year without his infectious smile and merry laughter. We have moved on and we are learning to let go. It is not easy. There are still times that I cry in the middle of laughter just because I remembered him. There are still times that my heart longs for his presence. But I am learning to accept that he is in a better place now. A place where there are no problems and no sadness. A place where he found the peace and happiness that he was not able to have in this world.
Last night, I cried for the past year once more when the mass was about to end. My tears were for all that could have been had he been here to this day. He could have had a higher position at work, a better love life, and the gatherings of our friends would have been doubly fun. In spite of the incomprehensible language of the Indian priest, I prayed to God that He would grant my friend the forgiveness he needs to enter His kingdom.
As for us who have been left behind, may we learn how to live with the loss and may we always remember how it used to be when he was around. How he used to play those silly antics and how he reprimands us when we do something stupid. May we learn the importance of one another and not carry our burdens alone. May we be more sensitive to one another's needs and be more present in each other's lives.
Last night, I cried for the past year once more when the mass was about to end. My tears were for all that could have been had he been here to this day. He could have had a higher position at work, a better love life, and the gatherings of our friends would have been doubly fun. In spite of the incomprehensible language of the Indian priest, I prayed to God that He would grant my friend the forgiveness he needs to enter His kingdom.
As for us who have been left behind, may we learn how to live with the loss and may we always remember how it used to be when he was around. How he used to play those silly antics and how he reprimands us when we do something stupid. May we learn the importance of one another and not carry our burdens alone. May we be more sensitive to one another's needs and be more present in each other's lives.
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