"Until I have shot all the arrows that were given to me, I will never give up."
- Kim Yun Hee
Sungkyunkwan Scandal
My obsessive personality is taking the better part of me once more. After watching "Rooftop Prince," I can't seem to get enough of Park Yoochun. So I watched his first drama, Sungkyunkwan Scandal. I haven't finished it yet but somehow, this line (if accurately subbed) got stuck with me.
Chances.
Some of us are privileged to be given a lot of them. Some are not as lucky. But no matter how many are handed to us by fate - we should use them all before abandoning whatever task we set out to do.
I had dreamed of becoming a writer. I was given a lot of chances to fulfill that dream. I wasted my first chance to fulfill that dream because of arrogance. I was too young back then and my head had swelled so big it had to be popped a couple of times. The second chance was wasted due to financial difficulties when I entered college. The third chance was given when I lost my Science scholarship but fear made me waste it again. By that time, the inflated head I used to walk around with in High school was popped into smithereens making me lose my balance. I was afraid I am not good enough or to put it bluntly, I had never been good from the start.
Now, I am so far away from that dream. But the internet gave me another chance.
This is another arrow I am going to use.
But I hope this time, I can finally hit the bull's eye.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
If I Could
I once again heard the popular beauty contest question, "If you could change your past, what part of your life would you change and why?" To which a well-practiced beauty queen usually answers, "I will not change anything because the problems I encountered before made me the strong person I am now, I thank you!"
I find it so overused that no matter how they rephrase it, I want to cover my ears and pretend I am impressed with the answer.
How would I answer it? I have a lot of things in the past that I wish to change. I am a Christian and I know God has plans for me. No matter what path I take, if I am destined to go to a certain destination, God will lead me there. Therefore, if I have a choice, I would rather avoid unnecessary pain. I would like to erase the parts when I made stupid things that gave me terrible pain and has caused terrible pain to people around me. You would argue that if I have not experienced the said pains I will not have learned some of life's important lessons. But do we really have to learn the hard way? Even in Math there are shortcuts, are there none in life?
So anyway, I have said a thousand times before that I have a lot of regrets in my life. Others are as big as MOA and others are so trivial that I just laugh at it sometimes. I was having a conversation over lunch with my good friend Jingle when the topic of our past experiences was brought up. I suddenly remembered my ex and all the stupid things I did for my love back then.
I do not want to regret something that made me happy at that time.
But I guess when you got hurt too much, you can't help but wonder if the short moment of happiness with that someone is worth the amount of pain you went through.
I do not want to add anything to my list of regrets anymore.
I have moved on, I do not feel angry or nostalgic about that certain relationship. But when I try to recall the happy times, I feel ashamed of myself. Was that really me? Did I really do those things?
Was it really necessary for me to go through that stage to be this person I am now? Was the man worth it?
This is that part of my life I wanted to change if I could.
I find it so overused that no matter how they rephrase it, I want to cover my ears and pretend I am impressed with the answer.
How would I answer it? I have a lot of things in the past that I wish to change. I am a Christian and I know God has plans for me. No matter what path I take, if I am destined to go to a certain destination, God will lead me there. Therefore, if I have a choice, I would rather avoid unnecessary pain. I would like to erase the parts when I made stupid things that gave me terrible pain and has caused terrible pain to people around me. You would argue that if I have not experienced the said pains I will not have learned some of life's important lessons. But do we really have to learn the hard way? Even in Math there are shortcuts, are there none in life?
So anyway, I have said a thousand times before that I have a lot of regrets in my life. Others are as big as MOA and others are so trivial that I just laugh at it sometimes. I was having a conversation over lunch with my good friend Jingle when the topic of our past experiences was brought up. I suddenly remembered my ex and all the stupid things I did for my love back then.
I do not want to regret something that made me happy at that time.
But I guess when you got hurt too much, you can't help but wonder if the short moment of happiness with that someone is worth the amount of pain you went through.
I do not want to add anything to my list of regrets anymore.
I have moved on, I do not feel angry or nostalgic about that certain relationship. But when I try to recall the happy times, I feel ashamed of myself. Was that really me? Did I really do those things?
Was it really necessary for me to go through that stage to be this person I am now? Was the man worth it?
This is that part of my life I wanted to change if I could.
Why I Love Korean Romantic Comedy Series and Movies
I have been watching K-dramas for quite some time now and as you may have read in my previous entries, I have enjoyed most of them. When I find one that is boring, I don't waste my time watching another episode. I just stop watching and move on to the next one.
South Koreans are really the best when it comes to romantic comedies. Their film makers have managed to create characters that are lovable and funny. They have made story lines which are heart fluttering, thought provoking, imagination sparking, and highly entertaining. I really wish I could understand their language so I do not have to strain my eyes too much on reading subtitles and I would be able to look at the whole picture more closely.
I love a lot of things about the Korean dramas and movies I have watched. One thing I love about them is that they do not have to incorporate too much sex just to make them romantic. A smack on the lips and even just hugging is enough to make me want to scream in kilig. I also watched some movies and dramas with overly done sex scenes but they still managed to make the act seem clean. (I am just so frustrated with one of the local dramas I was watching. It started out great and I had to stop in the middle because the actors, portraying teenagers of barely legal age are kissing like they would soon peel each other's clothes off. I don't feel the love between them, I can only sense lust.)
Another thing I love is the fast pacing. The protagonists do not have to suffer for weeks, or even months in the hands of the oh so lucky antagonists. They always manage to make the bad guys' actions backfire on them. (Unlike in most local soaps where I had to endure weeks of the lead's endless tears and had to literally throw things on my TV screen because of hatred for the kontrabida.)
They make the same "secret" that has to be revealed in the end. I guess in this matter, all kinds of soaps are similar. Be they Filipino, American, or Mexican - the big secret is the center of all these events. Usually it's about the identity of the protagonists like having rich parents or being an unrealized hero. The thing that sets apart my Korean favorites is that it does not take forever for the secret to be revealed.
I am not belittling the local movie industry. Heck! I have favorite local soaps and movies too. Right now, I just prefer Korean ones because I am getting tired of the stereotypes of the local ones. Why can't they make innovative movies like they used to during the time of Brocka and the rest of the martial law babies? Or romantic comedies like "Got to Believe"? Soaps like "Esperanza," "Pangako Sa'Yo," "Mula sa Puso," "Walang Hanggan," and "Sana Maulit Muli" are classics in their own right. We don't have to use the same formula and the same actors just to top the ratings. It's like eating the same kind of dish everyday. Soon you will end up believing that even if they look different, they all taste the same.
I don't know if I'll get tired of Korean entertainment soon. All I know is that I am enjoying them now. All the gorgeous actors are just icing on the cake. I even change my crush once I watch a new one. I was crazy for Zo In-sung when I watched "Memories of Bali," then with Kim Soo Hyun when I watched "Dream High," for Hyun Bin when I watched "Kim Sam Soon" and "Secret Garden," for Rain after "Full House," for Gong Yoo after "Coffee Prince" and "Biscuit Teacher and Star Candy," now it's Yoochun because of "Rooftop Prince."
It just boils down to the fact that watching these soaps and movies make me feel good. They make me believe more in love and its power to change lives. How they affect me is what makes me go back to them again and again.
South Koreans are really the best when it comes to romantic comedies. Their film makers have managed to create characters that are lovable and funny. They have made story lines which are heart fluttering, thought provoking, imagination sparking, and highly entertaining. I really wish I could understand their language so I do not have to strain my eyes too much on reading subtitles and I would be able to look at the whole picture more closely.
I love a lot of things about the Korean dramas and movies I have watched. One thing I love about them is that they do not have to incorporate too much sex just to make them romantic. A smack on the lips and even just hugging is enough to make me want to scream in kilig. I also watched some movies and dramas with overly done sex scenes but they still managed to make the act seem clean. (I am just so frustrated with one of the local dramas I was watching. It started out great and I had to stop in the middle because the actors, portraying teenagers of barely legal age are kissing like they would soon peel each other's clothes off. I don't feel the love between them, I can only sense lust.)
Another thing I love is the fast pacing. The protagonists do not have to suffer for weeks, or even months in the hands of the oh so lucky antagonists. They always manage to make the bad guys' actions backfire on them. (Unlike in most local soaps where I had to endure weeks of the lead's endless tears and had to literally throw things on my TV screen because of hatred for the kontrabida.)
They make the same "secret" that has to be revealed in the end. I guess in this matter, all kinds of soaps are similar. Be they Filipino, American, or Mexican - the big secret is the center of all these events. Usually it's about the identity of the protagonists like having rich parents or being an unrealized hero. The thing that sets apart my Korean favorites is that it does not take forever for the secret to be revealed.
I am not belittling the local movie industry. Heck! I have favorite local soaps and movies too. Right now, I just prefer Korean ones because I am getting tired of the stereotypes of the local ones. Why can't they make innovative movies like they used to during the time of Brocka and the rest of the martial law babies? Or romantic comedies like "Got to Believe"? Soaps like "Esperanza," "Pangako Sa'Yo," "Mula sa Puso," "Walang Hanggan," and "Sana Maulit Muli" are classics in their own right. We don't have to use the same formula and the same actors just to top the ratings. It's like eating the same kind of dish everyday. Soon you will end up believing that even if they look different, they all taste the same.
I don't know if I'll get tired of Korean entertainment soon. All I know is that I am enjoying them now. All the gorgeous actors are just icing on the cake. I even change my crush once I watch a new one. I was crazy for Zo In-sung when I watched "Memories of Bali," then with Kim Soo Hyun when I watched "Dream High," for Hyun Bin when I watched "Kim Sam Soon" and "Secret Garden," for Rain after "Full House," for Gong Yoo after "Coffee Prince" and "Biscuit Teacher and Star Candy," now it's Yoochun because of "Rooftop Prince."
It just boils down to the fact that watching these soaps and movies make me feel good. They make me believe more in love and its power to change lives. How they affect me is what makes me go back to them again and again.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
When All The Work is Almost Done
You look at your planner and almost all the items in your "to do" list is done. You check, you think, you recheck, you rethink. Yes! Almost all of them are done! Two or three items are left without a check mark. You can almost smell, touch, and feel FREEDOM!
Then suddenly - the laziness will sink in.
You're too excited to do the things you want to do and tired of rushing yourself to beat that deadline. You have been in a rush for so long, what's with two or three tasks more? You have a few more minutes, why not relax and lie down a little. Take a breather, enjoy a nap. The breather - usually turns to a long break and the nap - usually turns to a long slumber.
Sometimes, this sudden surge of the lazy hormones is the reason why we end up doing a lousy, or if we're lucky - a mediocre job.
It's a constant struggle for crammers like me. We have procrastinated for so long and have put aside our jobs for sometime. We are driven by pressure, our brains work with the ticking of the clock. The last minute laziness is the scene-stealer. It's a distraction that beats the buzzer! I can't let it win!
These are some of the things I do to beat the last minute laziness:
1. I set an alarm - putting another deadline gives me another pressure; it works like a slap, a kick, or a punch to wake me up.
2. I put up my to do list in front of my face LITERALLY - I have to breathe it, live it, and if it's possible even swallow the whole effin' thing
3. I play lively music - wakes me up and puts me back on track
4. I chew ice cubes - when I have to rush something in the afternoon, caffeine just doesn't help. Ice cubes can keep my eyes open.
5. I write down my excitement, frustrations and whatever kind of emotion I am undergoing - simply because it doesn't take too long and it reminds me why I need to work on my tasks anyway.
6. I imagine scenarios - I have this what will happen if... I try to maintain my positive disposition but when I am too confident, I remind myself that failing is not an option because these horrible things might happen
7. I do take that power nap - but I do not forget to set an alarm and if possible, I even ask people to wake me up. Sometimes, this laziness is not at all psychological, it's our body's way of telling us it is tired.
So when all the work is almost done...
JUST FINISH IT!
Ignore everything else and kick those lazy bones out.
Then suddenly - the laziness will sink in.
You're too excited to do the things you want to do and tired of rushing yourself to beat that deadline. You have been in a rush for so long, what's with two or three tasks more? You have a few more minutes, why not relax and lie down a little. Take a breather, enjoy a nap. The breather - usually turns to a long break and the nap - usually turns to a long slumber.
Sometimes, this sudden surge of the lazy hormones is the reason why we end up doing a lousy, or if we're lucky - a mediocre job.
It's a constant struggle for crammers like me. We have procrastinated for so long and have put aside our jobs for sometime. We are driven by pressure, our brains work with the ticking of the clock. The last minute laziness is the scene-stealer. It's a distraction that beats the buzzer! I can't let it win!
These are some of the things I do to beat the last minute laziness:
1. I set an alarm - putting another deadline gives me another pressure; it works like a slap, a kick, or a punch to wake me up.
2. I put up my to do list in front of my face LITERALLY - I have to breathe it, live it, and if it's possible even swallow the whole effin' thing
3. I play lively music - wakes me up and puts me back on track
4. I chew ice cubes - when I have to rush something in the afternoon, caffeine just doesn't help. Ice cubes can keep my eyes open.
5. I write down my excitement, frustrations and whatever kind of emotion I am undergoing - simply because it doesn't take too long and it reminds me why I need to work on my tasks anyway.
6. I imagine scenarios - I have this what will happen if... I try to maintain my positive disposition but when I am too confident, I remind myself that failing is not an option because these horrible things might happen
7. I do take that power nap - but I do not forget to set an alarm and if possible, I even ask people to wake me up. Sometimes, this laziness is not at all psychological, it's our body's way of telling us it is tired.
So when all the work is almost done...
JUST FINISH IT!
Ignore everything else and kick those lazy bones out.
Have been very busy lately.
I hope I can have fun this weekend and not think of anything work related but I still have some tutorials to think about. Well, I'm still excited because I will have two full weeks off after PTC. I have no plans, I'd probably end up watching K dramas again. I'm almost done with Rooftop Prince. I have no other dramas in mind still.
I haven't finished a single short story yet. Nor have I held a crochet needle in my hand. So much for the creativity plan huh?! I hope I can find the time really. Even my blogging is suffering. I haven't written since Sunday and it feels incomplete if I don't have a single blog entry for the week.
But I will make time. I will. =)
I hope I can have fun this weekend and not think of anything work related but I still have some tutorials to think about. Well, I'm still excited because I will have two full weeks off after PTC. I have no plans, I'd probably end up watching K dramas again. I'm almost done with Rooftop Prince. I have no other dramas in mind still.
I haven't finished a single short story yet. Nor have I held a crochet needle in my hand. So much for the creativity plan huh?! I hope I can find the time really. Even my blogging is suffering. I haven't written since Sunday and it feels incomplete if I don't have a single blog entry for the week.
But I will make time. I will. =)
Saturday, March 2, 2013
I am soooooo HAPPY!
I went shopping. Who wouldn't be happy?
I have a new digicam, a new pair of jeans, and a new bag. Nice eh?
And Gladys' operation was successful. She's still recovering so we weren't able to talk to her but we are hoping for the best.
Jane is doing okay in SG. Jackie seems fine with the kids.
So overall, my life is okay and I have every reason to smile.
I am planning to write a short story inspired by Jang Keun-suk. I mean that physically and my impression of him from the movies and dramas. I think this is the best way to channel my growing obsession. I don't want to be a stalker. After all I am sure that I will get over this soon.
I have some work to do and I would do them soon. I just have to have this day to myself first because it's such a waste to spend it on something I really don't feel like doing. I am excited for the summer vacation because that means I will have more time. I'd probably go to the gym with Ana or just jog around by myself. I would like to plan an out of town get away with her and Gladys by the way. Whatever things that we have dreamed of doing even when Ted was still here, we would like to continue. I know he'll be happy to see us happy. I am sure that he would be with us in spirit. We miss him everyday and the only way for us to keep him alive is to do the things we wanted together.
Madalas nyang sabihin noon na mas gusto nya ang mga isinusulat ko sa Filipino. Mas may tama sa puso, mas may dating sa damdamin. Nung mamatay sya, ayokong magsulat sa Filipino kasi baka hindi ko kayaning pigilan ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko. Pero halos limang taon na ang nakalipas, masakit pa rin ang pagkawala nya. May mga pagkakataong umiiyak pa rin ako at madalas ko pa ring hinihiling na sana nandito pa sya. Sa kabila nito, alam ko kailangan ko pa ring tumuloy, kailangan ko pa ring mabuhay. Iniwan nya sa kin, sa amin, ang mga alaala ng tunay na pagkakaibigan at pagkakapatirang minsan, higit pa sa tunay na magkakadugo. Ayokong sayangin yun, ayokong mabura sa alaala ko ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin.
Hindi ako naghahanap ng kapalit nya, sana lang may makapagpuno ng puwang na iniwan nya.
I went shopping. Who wouldn't be happy?
I have a new digicam, a new pair of jeans, and a new bag. Nice eh?
And Gladys' operation was successful. She's still recovering so we weren't able to talk to her but we are hoping for the best.
Jane is doing okay in SG. Jackie seems fine with the kids.
So overall, my life is okay and I have every reason to smile.
I am planning to write a short story inspired by Jang Keun-suk. I mean that physically and my impression of him from the movies and dramas. I think this is the best way to channel my growing obsession. I don't want to be a stalker. After all I am sure that I will get over this soon.
I have some work to do and I would do them soon. I just have to have this day to myself first because it's such a waste to spend it on something I really don't feel like doing. I am excited for the summer vacation because that means I will have more time. I'd probably go to the gym with Ana or just jog around by myself. I would like to plan an out of town get away with her and Gladys by the way. Whatever things that we have dreamed of doing even when Ted was still here, we would like to continue. I know he'll be happy to see us happy. I am sure that he would be with us in spirit. We miss him everyday and the only way for us to keep him alive is to do the things we wanted together.
Madalas nyang sabihin noon na mas gusto nya ang mga isinusulat ko sa Filipino. Mas may tama sa puso, mas may dating sa damdamin. Nung mamatay sya, ayokong magsulat sa Filipino kasi baka hindi ko kayaning pigilan ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko. Pero halos limang taon na ang nakalipas, masakit pa rin ang pagkawala nya. May mga pagkakataong umiiyak pa rin ako at madalas ko pa ring hinihiling na sana nandito pa sya. Sa kabila nito, alam ko kailangan ko pa ring tumuloy, kailangan ko pa ring mabuhay. Iniwan nya sa kin, sa amin, ang mga alaala ng tunay na pagkakaibigan at pagkakapatirang minsan, higit pa sa tunay na magkakadugo. Ayokong sayangin yun, ayokong mabura sa alaala ko ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin.
Hindi ako naghahanap ng kapalit nya, sana lang may makapagpuno ng puwang na iniwan nya.
Friday, March 1, 2013
I just watched another episode of "How I Met Your Mother." (P.S. I Love You) It discussed how the characters were once obsessed with someone particularly Lily and Robin. They're right, it could happen to anyone. But why the heck is it happening to me so frequently? Is it because I don't have an effing love life right now?
The thing is, I have been watching a lot of Jang Keun-suk movies lately. I know, I said that I won't let it go too far since he's young and his persona is not my ideal but he is just so beautiful onscreen I can't help it. He looks like the typical boy next door when he was younger and now he looks like some badass rocker - like Brandon Boyd or Adam Levine. Though from what I see he's into a totally different genre.
Point is, I am way too old for obsessions and guys like Jang Keun-suk are way too unattainable. It's like having the dream of travelling to Jupiter. Just like all my other celebrity crushes, it would soon come to pass. Give me a few more days and I'll be over this.
When will my man ever come to find me? I hope he finds me soon, I can't see him yet but it would be nice if he finds me first.
Anyway, I would have to take some time off from watching dramas and movies. Hell week is here. I am halfway through all the things that need to be done. I still can't find the perfect dress for the moving up and I haven't lost a single kilogram. I know I have to work on it but I just have so many excuses.
So back to work for me right now.
The thing is, I have been watching a lot of Jang Keun-suk movies lately. I know, I said that I won't let it go too far since he's young and his persona is not my ideal but he is just so beautiful onscreen I can't help it. He looks like the typical boy next door when he was younger and now he looks like some badass rocker - like Brandon Boyd or Adam Levine. Though from what I see he's into a totally different genre.
Point is, I am way too old for obsessions and guys like Jang Keun-suk are way too unattainable. It's like having the dream of travelling to Jupiter. Just like all my other celebrity crushes, it would soon come to pass. Give me a few more days and I'll be over this.
When will my man ever come to find me? I hope he finds me soon, I can't see him yet but it would be nice if he finds me first.
Anyway, I would have to take some time off from watching dramas and movies. Hell week is here. I am halfway through all the things that need to be done. I still can't find the perfect dress for the moving up and I haven't lost a single kilogram. I know I have to work on it but I just have so many excuses.
So back to work for me right now.
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