Activity One

It's another Friday.

We have just finished our Moon Cake festival and Teachers' day celebration. This means the next few months will be real busy with school activities. I am praying for guidance and motivation so that this school year will be another successful one.

The event earlier had been as expected - fun. I received a few gifts from the kids and based on my kids faces, they enjoyed it a lot. However, we had been planning for the costume party for months now but it seems we'll be in a rush again. It will be October in a few days and we haven't even practiced our dance numbers yet!

So anyway, I would try my best to ignore unnecessary tasks which might distract me. I do not want to break the momentum. The teachers are all in a high and we are all excited to push through with all these activities.

So it is time to jot down all the activities and all the plans.

Gotta Work Harder

I dropped by the mall before I headed home today. I want to go on shopping spree but I stopped myself. Payday is still next week and I've got to hold on to what little cash I have. I have to congratulate myself for being having that control. I badly need a new pair of slippers and an umbrella. But some things are higher on my priority list.

I also need to have two watches repaired (since my budget is not enough for a new one). Then I also want to have this cologne I really like since I was in high school. I need new jeans and belt. There's also the school supplies I ran out of. The external drive for my netbook and the usb holder for my flash disk.

The list goes on and on.

I gotta work doubly hard to buy all that.

Pressuring Myself Once More

I am still not back on track. There are so many things to update and catch up on that I kinda feel overwhelmed, dazed, and still a bit confused. But I promised that I will pull myself together and I am going to do it. I will not let other people throw me off my course again. I have to and I need to look straight towards my goals and I would.

I have said this for so many times that I have overlooked the fact that I am not getting any younger. My lifestyle has matured a bit. I used to live like an eighteen year old, now I guess I am living like an early twenty something. I am not in my twenties and with the speed of things, I hate to see myself living like this when I am approaching my forties. I am almost in the middle of my thirties and I have to live my age.

Yes I know I've said that age is just a number. But with that number comes time and energy. I have to work doubly hard if I want to get my goals. I am back to my no buts and ifs attitude.

And yes, I am back to pressuring myself. I have lost the determination and drive I used to possess when I started this journey. There is no one there to push me but me. The Lord will guide me but He will let me learn as I go. So here I am learning my lesson. I really have to do this.

All Over Again

Another week has started and I am not really sure if I started it right. Sometimes the way I start things dictate the course of how I would end it. But days and time are just letters and numbers. I guess I can still make it right.

I know that there are a of of things to be done. I haven't started listing them down. It's just that when something comes up, I totally forget about what I was supposed to be doing. My priorities get mixed up and I end up finishing less important tasks. I have changed that a few weeks back but I am regressing. The consecutive suspension of classes ruined my schedule and my priorities. I am back to zero actually.

I am feeling lost and confused again.

I will sit still and gather my thoughts once more.

Post Birthday Thoughts

The birthday celebs are over and I am still happy.

Now it's time to face facts and move on from there.

There are some things I realized (again). And I hope I can keep these things in mind always. I should always draw a line between dreams and illusions. Reality bites, slaps, and kicks. I have been beaten by it but I still have not learned a few lessons.

1. I am not a good writer - yes I can write a little. But I am not what you can call a gifted or even a talented one. I can make a few pieces for my personal consumption but it's not those pieces that will sell and provide me with bread and butter.

2. I am not a good cook - I can cook with the aide of recipes and my measuring cups and spoons. But just like in writing, this is not the profession that will bring food on the table. My no bake cheesecake was a bit of a failure but I can at least eat it.

3. Stardom is not for me - I do believe in fate and it is not written in mine that I would be popular as in world star in any field. I can't even have my 15 minutes. So I'll stop fantasizing that I can meet those famous celebs one day.

4. I can be happy in my own universe - this is the place where I have a wonderful family and equally wonderful friends. Who needs those phony people in showbiz when I am a star in these people's eyes.

5. I am not too old to fall in love - Even if it is not written in my fate to be a star, it is written that I would one day find that man who I can start my own family with. I should always open my heart to new people.

I got older by a year and I should also grow more mature and be more realistic. I hope that I can keep this things by heart because they would not only protect me fro heartaches but they will also open opportunities for me to mature.

Another Wonderful Year

I just turned 34.

Unbelievable. I am this old. I dreaded being a thirty something a few years ago. When it came, I realized what that cliche means, age is just a number.

I feel so...overwhelmed right now. I wasn't expecting that a lot of people will remember. A simple HBD is enough to move me. I feel like crying for joy because of my friends and family who made this day such a special one.

The past year had not been easy. There were a lot of trying times. I have struggled, I learned some lessons the hard way and I am still in the process of making myself better.

With all the love that I am feeling right now, I am finding the strength to continue what I have started. The dream of one day seeing better me is not far from now. With all these wonderful people around me, it would really be soon.

So happy Birthday to me. Thank you Lord for making this ordinary day such a special one.

Falling in Love all Over Again

On my way home, I spotted a few couples. I can't help but sigh at the thought that it has been so long since the last time I held hands with somebody. I kinda miss the feeling of having that someone to share sweet nothings with and that someone to fight with from time to time. How I wish I could have that person who would make me look at no one else but him.

I do want to fall in love again but it's just so hard to meet anyone these days. I have a very small social circle. I am in a workplace where majority of the men I meet are either married or gay. That's why I am not keeping my hopes up. I just pray and hope that if there is really someone out there for me, he will find me no matter what.

I am afraid to spend the rest of my life alone. I have devoted my life to my family and I don't know what will happen once they start their own lives. I keep telling myself that I will be okay with it but the fact is, I don't know if I have the strength to live on my own. I don't want to be a burden to anybody but I don't want to be isolated as well.

I am not getting any younger. I really wish that the Lord will give me that man He has made for me.