The Hand that Never Lets Go

I have made a lot of promises. To myself, to my friends, to my family and to God. I have carried out most of them but broken a lot too. Especially the ones I made to God. Tto do my though I am trying my very best to live a blameless life, I still feel guilty for not going to church and not fulfilling my vows when I told God that He will be the number one priority in my life.

I have been so busy doing my worldly duties that time and again I have forgotten that my biggest duty is to serve Him. When I do plans, I forget to ask for His guidance and only remember Him when glitches happen. He never leaves me in spite of my shortcomings but I always abandon him in spite of His goodness. I become proud most of the time. I do thank Him and recognize that He is the wind beneath my wings but I fail to do my duties as a Christian, or a Catholic for that matter. I pray regularly before I sleep, before I go to work and boast of this relationship I call a personal one. However, its been almost a year since I last went to Church and more than a year since I last read the Bible and really "talk" to Him.

I guess when He lets fear come inside my heart, it is His way of calling me and reminding me that I need Him. That He wants to be there for me but I keep ignoring Him. He knows that even if people see me as this strong and brave lady, I shiver over the littlest of things. He knows me too much to know that it is when I am afraid that I hold on the most tightly to Him.

I know I am not perfect. And thinking positively will not solve all my problems. But holding on to Him will...

I have to remember that. Always.